December 31, 2014 - Part 2

"I got it at Pyre 1 - the whole damn place went up in flames."

December 31, 2014

"Oh God, they left a lady in charge? She's gonna separate the saucer section!"

November 6, 2014

"I am not a jalopy!"

November 5, 2014

"Ew! Stop jiggling my skeleton!"

October 25, 2014

"I can still deflate!"

October 2, 2014

"Never trust a hovering leaf."

September 8, 2014

"It sounds like I'm cutting through a shoe!"

August 2, 2014

"Hey - y'know what today is? 8/2, Brute?"

July 15, 2014

"I thought you were getting a text, but it was just the crow."

July 8, 2014

"Thank you for faux-attacking me with your hair."

July 6, 2014

"I promise I won't disappear into my bellybutton."

July 4, 2014

"We're mixing our Hanna-Barberas."

June 28, 2014

"What does it take to get a gold piggy around here?"

June 24, 2014

"Did you put the suction pig in the tape?"

June 20, 2014

"We are 'last dose' intolerant."

June 19, 2014

"I been pig-nibbled like I was a cookie!"

June 19, 2014

"I been pig-nibbled like I was a cookie!"

June 17, 2014

"I sat on gross!"

June 16, 2014

"Oh great, I have a conjoined pig."

June 13, 2014

"And I was mildly appalled by a blueberry."

June 11, 2014

"Yeah - smells like someone's burning a fish out here."

June 10, 2014

"These pliers have Swedish Fish all over them."

May 28, 2014

"Alright, I don't want to say anything that I'll have to write down."

May 30, 2014

"I figure being 'Shanghaied' is easier with water."

May 18, 2014

"Awesome ear-telegraph call-back!"

May 29, 2014

"Hank, an inside-out cat is not a LOL cat."

May 9, 2014

"I don't like being mocked by the dinner cheese."

March 4, 2014

"Go, go Gadget: coffin monopoly!"

May 17, 2014

"You don't want Literal Man to be a pain in the ass."

May 17, 2014

"Sorry, honey - I can't take you to Toronto this weekend; a Sondheim musical came up."

May 12, 2014

"We have to find an inflatable cobra."

March 31, 2014

"I'm a fermented bean bag."

April 14, 2014

"I don't have a Nordic Track, but I do have a Vaudeville Track."

March 1, 2014

"Telling time for us is like playing Crazy 8s."

December 27, 2013

"I have a heightened sensitivity to my own problems."

December 28, 2013

"It's decorative, not organic!"

December 8, 2013

"If I have learned one lesson, it's not to buy cheap 'Hello, My Name Is' stickers."

December 6, 2013

"Please put a 'd' at the end of 'Barbarino' so it's a verb."

November 29, 2013

"I'm playing 'Night Court' in my head. <PAUSE> I just heard me say that!"

November 16, 2013

"I wonder if bugs that have been saved by humans get all 'evangelical'."

October 9, 2013

"I'm sorry I made ripples in your Pond of Hate."

September 22, 2013

"I don't want to have chai with meat teeth."

September 13, 2013

"I just yelled at your eye."

September 15, 2013

"Jewish clowns get circuscised."

September 16, 2013

"He's a dinosaur - he's not stupid."

September 10, 2013

"What were we talking about before?" "The turtle with the cowboy hat."

January 21, 2014

"Don't make me grab a monkey in the middle of the night!"

December 10, 2013

"There's something fishy about a woman who always acts coy."