People ask us, "Are you like this all the time?" Our answer: "Yep." As evidence, we've been keeping track of some of the more...unusual...things that pop out of our mouths during the day. We don't write down the context or meaning; in most cases we've since forgotten what they were anyway. Please enjoy responsibly.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

May 9, 2014

"I don't like being mocked by the dinner cheese."
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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

March 4, 2014

"Go, go Gadget: coffin monopoly!"
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Sunday, May 25, 2014

May 17, 2014

"You don't want Literal Man to be a pain in the ass."
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Saturday, May 24, 2014

May 17, 2014

"Sorry, honey - I can't take you to Toronto this weekend; a Sondheim musical came up."
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Thursday, May 22, 2014

May 12, 2014

"We have to find an inflatable cobra."
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Wednesday, May 21, 2014

March 31, 2014

"I'm a fermented bean bag."
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Tuesday, May 20, 2014

April 14, 2014

"I don't have a Nordic Track, but I do have a Vaudeville Track."
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Monday, May 19, 2014

March 1, 2014

"Telling time for us is like playing Crazy 8s."
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Sunday, May 18, 2014

December 27, 2013

"I have a heightened sensitivity to my own problems."
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December 28, 2013

"It's decorative, not organic!"
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Thursday, May 15, 2014

December 8, 2013

"If I have learned one lesson, it's not to buy cheap 'Hello, My Name Is' stickers."
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Wednesday, May 14, 2014

December 6, 2013

"Please put a 'd' at the end of 'Barbarino' so it's a verb."
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November 29, 2013

"I'm playing 'Night Court' in my head. <PAUSE> I just heard me say that!"
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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

November 16, 2013

"I wonder if bugs that have been saved by humans get all 'evangelical'."
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October 9, 2013

"I'm sorry I made ripples in your Pond of Hate."
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September 22, 2013

"I don't want to have chai with meat teeth."
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Sunday, May 11, 2014

September 13, 2013

"I just yelled at your eye."
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September 15, 2013

"Jewish clowns get circuscised."
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Saturday, May 10, 2014

September 16, 2013

"He's a dinosaur - he's not stupid."
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September 10, 2013

"What were we talking about before?" "The turtle with the cowboy hat."
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January 21, 2014

"Don't make me grab a monkey in the middle of the night!"
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December 10, 2013

"There's something fishy about a woman who always acts coy."
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