November 30, 2016 - Part 4

"I think your theory is wrong. OW! MY EYES!!!"

November 30, 2016 - Part 3

"Socks are nothing but foot panties."

November 30, 2016 - Part 2

"I am not your corncob typewriter!"

November 30, 2016 - Part 1

"I did not ask that question in the manner of Tim Gunn!"

October 7, 2016 - Part 3

"No barking at your clothes!"

October 7, 2016 - Part 2

"I'm gonna be spittin' out green hair all night."

October 7, 2016 - Part 1

"I've had 2 great revelations today: potential energy is stupid, and human bones are ivory."

September 14, 2016 - Part 3

"With your average citizen, I'd say, 'No.'"

September 14, 2016 - Part 2

"But then again, I'd just been blinded by the refrigerator."

September 14, 2016 - Part 1

"Our feet were about to make out, then they got scared."

September 2, 2016 - Part 3

"I just Turtle Waxed my digestive system."

September 2, 2016 - Part 2

"Don't interrupt me; I'm trying to make this your fault!"

September 2, 2016 - Part 1

"Godammit! I just crossed the road for a Gatorade!"

August 11, 2016 - Part 3

"Banks are just Rent-A-Centers for money."

August 11, 2016 - Part 2

"I just saw a guy 'high five' the Do Not Walk sign!"

August 11, 2016 - Part 1

"You're assuming that worms have lips."

July 7, 2016 - Part 3

"I feel like I'm marked for the hounds."

July 7, 2016 - Part 2

"Jest Day is Cold Water Day."

July 7, 2016 - Part 1

"Our bedroom is beginning to look like the office of a mad scientist...or a wizard."

July 5, 2016 - Part 3

"The fruit of my loins has created loin fruit."

"We're all loin fruit."

July 5, 2016 - Part 2

"Hey! 'I don't think so' means, 'Probably not!'"

July 5, 2016 - Part 1

"I thought you were euphemizing, but you were just vomiting."

June 15, 2106 - Part 3

"I'm new to this 12-step approach to going to sleep."

June 15, 2106 - Part 2

"How did being a pirate come into that at all?"

June 15, 2106 - Part 1

"I bought a 3-way bulb, but it wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be."

May 18, 2016 - Part 2

"I don't think skunks understand technology, and thank God for that!"

May 18, 2016 - Part 1

"There is no woe, only woo."

May 6, 2016 - Part 2

"I just appalled myself."

May 6, 2016 - Part 1

"I didn't want to barf in your mouth. I am nothing if not considerate."

Cinco de Mayo, 2016 - Part Tres

"In Mexico, my favorite band is 'What Yes and the Sunshine Band'"

Cinco de Mayo, 2016 - Part Dos

"The old peanut butter looked too challenging to me."

Cinco de Mayo, 2016 - Part Uno

"Why does our laundry basket look like Frank-N-Furter's stockings?"

May 4, 2016

"I'm not asleep, I'm corporeal!"

April 22, 2016 - Part 3

"If a play falls in the woods and there's no audience to see it, is it still theatre?"

April 22, 2016 - Part 2

"Your mouth says, 'No,' but your eyes say, 'Stop it!'"

April 22, 2016 - Part 1

"Are you conjugating 'pocket'?"

April 19, 2016 - Part 3

"Everything Mexican in this house sounds the same."

April 19, 2016 - Part 2

"I'd rather not forcefully eject dill pickle soup all over you."

April 19, 2016 - Part 1

"Would you like some flavored bacteria milk?"

April 14, 2016 - Part 3

"I thought it was 10 after 1:00, but it was just the barometer."

April 14, 2016 - Part 2

"Oh no! I've got 'Gramma pockets!'"

April 14, 2016 - Part 1

"It's always good to rotate your monkeys."

April 12, 2016 - Part 3

"This is how spirituals get written."

April 12, 2016 - Part 2

"I can't afford cigarettes, so I just decided to take up coughing."

April 12, 2016 - Part 1

"I threw out a ball at the the baseball game. I was laid up for weeks."

April 9, 2016 - Part 2

"AHHH! Move it! Don't make me kill the first robin of Spring!"

April 9, 2016 - Part 1

"Oh no! My skeleton wants to dance!"

April 7, 2016 - Part 3

"It was Opposite Day in Parallel World."

April 7, 2016 - Part 2

"I stuck my finger up my however."

April 7, 2016 - Part 1

"I don't want you to have to get home from work, change, then run out and meet a cow for an hour and a half."

March 22, 2016 - Part 2

"Aw, I have a stinky familiar."

March 22, 2016 - Part 1

"I want to smother you in kisses...made of pillows."

February 10, 2016 - Part 3

"You look like a million dollars - green, wrinkly, and with an old man on you."

February 10, 2016 - Part 2

"If I see a toe hovering over my head, I'm figuring it wants to 'pook!' me."

February 10, 2016 - Part 1

"It smells like an Oompa-Loompa locker room in here."

January 20, 2016 - Part 2

"I'm not so much an exotic dancer as an unusual dancer."

January 20, 2016 - Part 1

"I feel like I'm trying to fold dust bunnies."

January 16, 2016 - Part 3

"If heaven is real, shouldn't 'Til death do us part' be more of an 'Aloha' situation?"

January 16, 2016 - Part 2

"Would you stop doing my hair's sound effects?"

January 16, 2016 - Part 1

"Hand shadows! Oh, wait...that's a whacked-out bird."

January 13, 2016 - Part 2

"He got to ass-slap Eric Idle!"

January 13, 2016 - Part 1

"Not now, Pepper - I'm playing Fruit Ninja."